Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
