he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
