ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
