our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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