I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
