I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
