She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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