What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
