Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The beers last night were like the tears from god
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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