I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
