I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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