Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
