god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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