we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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