Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
