She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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