Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Randomize
