found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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