Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
