So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
