I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
