I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
