My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
you inspire me to be a worse person
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
