very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
