Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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