did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
