apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
