It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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