At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
