We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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