did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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