my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
