my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
