how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
