It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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