So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
