Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
