im so drunk with asians
where?
always
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
