guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
