i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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