I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
