Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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