i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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