I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
