That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
