I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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