Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
