I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
