everyone is single if you try hard enough
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
