I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
