I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
