Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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