well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
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