Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
