just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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