you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i came on her dog
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
