What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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