I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
