so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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